| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2010|03:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
i haven't posted here in ages, and essentially forgot about i even had a livejournal. i got a reminder from angelfire that my site would be shut down if i didnt log in. it hasnt been updated in ages. i checked my LJ inbox and saw emails from like.. 2007. didnt reconize the names, one was an exgirlfriend by the name of Pamantha, and the other was my old dentist "Thomas" and some old comments i never saw. anyway, i never use LJ, i barely use myspace, and my site is outdated. i need to fix that. but ive been nostolgic lately, so i'll be more active. i kinda miss LJ. does anyone remember that awful messaging app they had for awhile?
anyway, if you're not on my facebook page, to clue you in as 2 what eye've been up 2 in the past few years since ive updated. got married again, divorced, survived a suicide attempt that my daughter didnt care about, i was in jail for 3 months, went in a week before my cd entitled "Unjust And Such - Poems & Prose For The Lovelorn" was released (me doing spoken word poetry readings set to tunes) and i couldn't promote it properly since i was locked up for reasons i don't want to get into here, and teh label was fuming pissed and dropped me, so i had to sell the cds myself which i did a poor job of. i disowned the album and tossed all copies in a dumpster behind "Big Lots." i did write alot of poetry in the slammer, which will make up the bulk of a one man show i will be doing next febuary. some of you heard a little at "cringefest" a few weeks ago which was my "comeback" performance, since i was out of the scene for ages, but i was so nervous i didn't do them justice. all apologies for running off stage like that during my segment. ive asked the promoters to keep me off the dvd they'll be releasing of the event, but i have a suspicion they'll keep in tact just to get me back for throwing the live mic down and bailing from my set. such is life
anyway i will be more active here on LJ from now on.
thank you for your support
-Wilson |
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| look at this hatemail i’ve recieved.. ! |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
From: Melissa
Date: Jan 17, 2007 8:23 PM
Hey, bitter fat guy, no one asked for your opinion on my myspace. Last I checked i was just minding my own business, mabe you should try doing the same. By the way, I highly doubt you've ever dated a "broad", you don't look like the type that gets much play. Instead of sitting in your mom's basement beating your thing to random myspace accounts, you should try finding some optimism and a life. Much luv to ya, freak.
==
this broad just sent me this for no reason at all.
i never know why people hate me so muck
all i d ois try and spread love and psitivity
sigh :( |
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| 2007 lovelife review |
[Feb. 6th, 2007|09:09 pm] |
so i though t that 2007 would be different than the last year, where so many things went wrong.. first, there was a film crew making a mmovie about me and my life, and they just suddenly abandoned me, and wouldn't return my calls..
the lovelife was a joke.. only dated a few gals, and each one turned out to be hateful, cruel , and insane..
first, there was a girl named Jennifer.. she was underage, and yeah.. didn't matter to me.. she was somewhat attractive, and had friends who really loved my work. i figured i'd date this broad, and use her for sex and connections.. i had been watning to start a new movement in Dallas, so i thought using her high school friends to spread the word would be wise.. so i dated her, and soon, it was apparent that i wanted nothing to do with this girl.. she would always reek because her house was a dump.. her mother wore depends, and would never clean.. in fact, her family would have to wipe the mothers ass because she had some sort of bowel problem.. Jennifer had floppy tits, and was underaged.. she'd ALWAYS coem on to me, wanting me to fuck her, but i always made up some excuse.. because.. she was UNDERAGED, and i wasn't sure if she was crazy or not, or would turn me into the police if she "thought" i had screwed her over.. so yeah, plenty of times she whipped off her shirt and showed her floppy tits (that look much better stuffed into a shirt than bare) and wanted to fuck me, but i turned her down.. giving excuses like "i have a headache" or "i'm too tired".. she hated bands i liked, and one night, we were at starbucks, and she said that i walk in a feminine way, and i took it as an insult.. started getting mad, she walked away, i tried to follow her, she kept walking, so i sped off.. got a call later that night, and yeah, it was over..
then my fucking car died, and i couldn't afford to fix it for a month.. it was the WORST fucking experience of my life.. not having ANY freedom to go anywhere yourself, having to rely on othe rpeople to take you places.. i breifly started hanging out with this obese girl who had a crush on me, and i knew it.. i had made excuses NOT to hang out with her in the past, bu tthis tims, i had no car.. and SHE had a car, and was willing to drive all the way to where i lived, so i used her to go to the store and stock up on smokes and things i needed.. did a nice job of makign her think i liked her for her, but i really didn't.. but you have to take what comes..
the next broad was a fetish model who met me from a slave/master dating site (don't ask).. she seemed to really dig my profile, and wanted to hang out.. she lived pretty far, so i couldn't do it.. but, one week, she told me sh ereally needed a place to stay! so i offered my pad, and she said YES! she came over, and it was magic.. perfect body, great personality, slave mentality.. everything i had ever wanted.. but the next day, she started talking about her "master" who was some fucking faggot overthehill, obese "fetish photographer" around Dallas, and noticed she was still wearing his collar.. after telling me online how she wanted to leave him, and i was a much more interesting prospect.. there was a point where, after being at my place for a few days, that she told me that he was moving to CA to pursue a failed modeling project, and that she was wondering what to do.. she mentioned that she had a dream where i had kissed her.. which was surely an "opening".. a little thing begging me to kiss her.. but.. in my mind, she was STILL WEARING HIS COLLAR, which in the BDSM scene, you don't touch a slave without permission from the master.. so i did nothing.. so the next day, there was a little tension as she took over my internet, did nothing but post on the guys forums, adn tell me how talented "Jami Deadly" is.. so i was burnt. the master didn't supply her with ANY money for the whole week, so i had to pay for everything.. i had lost my job a few nights before, so i was totally strapped.. i spent too much, and basically, this is when my credit problems started to occur.. i overcharged my debt card because of this girl, because i was expecting her to have $$ to feed herself.. it was a nightmare. had to borrow food from my parents (12 pack of mac and cheese kept us alive).. she helped me with a few songs i was working on, and wanted to be a part of my movement, but i was pissed off.. you don't tell someone you want them to kiss you while wearing the collar of a master..
the next broad was a girl named Christy.. somewhat chubby, sort of looked like one of those creatures from "Dark Crystal".. that month was pretty dry, but she had a job, a car, and wasn't too obese.. so she drove to my place once, and we got along okay i guess.. i was lonely, so i asked to hang out again, just so i could say i had plans that night.. we kissed eventually, and my credit was taking a nosedive at this point.. wasn't making ANY money at all, and had to overcharge my debt card just to stay alive.. i told Christy this, and she took pity on me, would buy me dinners, give me money for borrowing dvds.. and this was really nice.. BUT, she had flaws (other than her face).. whenever i'd talk about my favorite artists, SHE'D sit and interject shit about Wilco and Remy Zero, OVER AND OVER.. wouldn't let me fucking talk.. this really pissed me off.. it's like, shut the fuck up, and just experience bands you've never heard of.. no one gives a fuck about WILCO.. they fucking suck.. no one CARES about Remy Zero.. and she had the NERVE to sit and argue that the Clash "started punk rock" for a fucking hour.. yeeah, the girl was braindead.. and when i was excited to go buy Prince's "3121" album at Tower Records (yeah, i still HATE the fucker.. but you know.. once a fan, always a fan i guess) the fucking slut bought a Remy Zero single, and asked to put it in "instead of Prince".. the fucking cow.. that was the end of that shit..
started dating a girl from the past named Dillis, and things were nice. we had plans to take over the world, she was using a millionaire to get money, we were living large, and having fun.. until the bitch got selfish, wrecked the car he bought her,
then, my credit sunk.. i was in debt for over $5000, and had no income at all.. to top it off, my house was taken away because i couldn't afford it because the debt and all fo that, so i had to move into a hotel.. my parents said they'd help me get a new place, and i'd find a job.. they paid for my hotel for a few months, giving me small jobs so i didn't feel totally worthless..
a week or two went by, miserable.. started hanging out with Dillis again, and it was nice.. met up with a guy i had met with Dillis (the same night she confessed how much she wanted to date me) who wanted to be a part of the Rainway movememt, and we became fast friends.. chased Dillis around (she was backing out, not wanting to ruin the friendship, and i was upset because she wanted nothing to do with the art group anymore).. finally, i got sick of chasing her around, and threw her out of my car, and yelled "find someother dipshit to string around".. and that was that..
weeks went by, lonly.. misery.. yeah.. no girls anywhere..
at the hotel i was staying at, there was free cable internet in teh lobby.. four computer stations.. you had a halfhour time limit, and if someone else came in to use the computers, you'd have to leave after 30 minutes.. well, i used the internet to my advantage, and suddenly, the lovelife was in gear!
met this girl named Linda who had wealthy parents, didn't work, didn't pay for anything.. looked just like the girl from Ladytron.. she dug my work, and wanted me to move in, and help me with everything.. at the same time, met another girl named Sharon, who wanted to move into the suite, and pay for everything.. then, i met ANOTHER girl named Brenda, who's mother was marrying a rich socialite.. and was confused as to who i should start dating.. i broke it down, and the person i actually had emotions for was Brenda.. everything i had every wanted, right there.. i coul dhave cared less about being taken care of.. if i were wealthy myself, i still would have chose Brenda.. she was the greatest.. gave me food, lent me a pot to cook that food, endlessly supportive..
so i moved out of the hotel, and in with Brenda..
what will happen? only time shall tell, my friend
only time shall tell
i don't wanna write n-e-more |
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| i think i've had it |
[Feb. 6th, 2007|09:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | infuriated | ] |
what is the point of life?
waht is the purpose of this world?
when there's no love..
there's only hatred,
and bitterness,
and lies..
so waht if my stomach is large?
does that take away the love i have in my heart?
does that mean that i'm a bad person?
does that detracist from my personalirty?
i think i've had it with this world
there's no reason to live w/o A girl
the ppl loved my site, and now that i'm on myspace
no one seem sto care
no one cares
no comments
no emails
silence
heartbeat
sweetheart
tears
heartbeat
sweetheart
tears
so this is what it's like to be dead?
check out my myspace to hear music and get up to date info about this fucking pathetic sham i call a "life"
http://www.myspace.com/wilsonrainway |
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| update on my life = things are pretty bad |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|06:08 pm] |
last year wasnt the best. in fact, it wasnt good at all. my lovelife was a disaster.. let's go through all the women i dated in 2005, one by one.
Amie - she was obese, but liked me, so i went for it. lasted a few weeks until she decided to leave me for someone else. of all the nerve.. i decide to cave in, go out with her to be nice, and she fucks me over?! a fat girl?! breaking up with me?! she was LUCKY to have me in the first place! yeah, i got really depresed after that 1
Joanna - slut, i hate her. i dont want to talk about her
Cherrie - i kinda liked her, but she had an odd shaped face, was a horse groomer, and whenever she'd come over after work, she reeked of horse. licking her face was vile, snioce horses always kicked her face. and she blacked out whenever we'd make out. which had it's advantages, but it didnt work out in teh end
Jill - thought she was great, until she dropped the "i have hiv" bomb on me.. i was desperate at the time, and have slept with girls who had herpes before.. she was a sweet girl, liked me, supported my work (not really) so after her constant badgering, i finally caved in, and had sex with her, risking my health in the process.. a few days later, i spotted some things around my penis area, and went to her apt to ask if she knew what it could be. then she got all weird, and said we shouldnt hang out anymore, threw me out of her apt, and i haven't heard from her since. i couldn't believe it. she spent so much time and effort getting me to bang her, and when i do.. poof, she's gone. i think i'm clean because those things went away.
Mari - after Jill, i met Mari.. things were wonderful.. she was hot, loved my work, thought i was great.. even won a battle over her.. my rival Harris Wendell was after her too.. but i told Mari that Harris was a faggot, and she believed me. so Mari & i had a nice romance, nonsexual.. until.. she found out that SHE has fucking HIV as well! i was stunned.. two girls in a row?! what the fuck is going on?! so i made up an excuse that im nto nready for a relationship ,adn she bought it. but still kept after me.. and i did her, but regret it. shes mopey suicidal, and i hopoe she kills herself.
this is too painful to write. maybe i will later |
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| prince, that son of a bitch.. |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|05:36 pm] |
as a few of you know, back in 2000, i had one of the worst experiences EVER.. it occured at Paisley Park during a weeklong music festival thrown by Prince..
each night of the festival, there were theme parties thrown that were based on a specefic Prince album.. for example, Monday was "Purple Rain" night, where people would dress as the characters from the movie, and Prince would then perform songs from it.. then the next day would be "Dirty Mind" night.. and then "Batman" night..
so on "Lovesexy" night, i decided to dress up as Prince from the album cover, and was harrassed, mocked, sexually assulted, insulted, raped of my pride, and was eventually banned from Paisley Park and thrown in jail.. i really don't want to get into it again, as it's brought me nothing but shame and disgrace over the years. but, you can read all about it here, if you must;
Wilson Rainway To File Lawsuit Against Paisley Park !
I'm Suing Paisley Park! thread from alt.music.prince
I'm Suing Paisley Park! thread from alt.music.ween
the situation garnered mainstream press from all over the world, and generated thousands of emails.. most of them negative.. it was the moist humiliating experience of my life.. people would scream things at me on the street (which they did before, but it wasn't as bad) prank phone calls.. i dropped the suit, but the memory haunts me.
but, instead of suing Prince, i placed a curse on him, that all of his albums would FAIL, and that he would become a washed up superstar.. and it WORKED!! "High" was aborted, "Rainbow Children" was a disaster, "One Nite Alone" was a joke, "NEWS" was a failure.. Prince must have realized this, because his last album "Musicology" was a failure as well, only selling about 239,239 copies.. BUT, it went double platinum ONLY BECAUSE it was given away with a concert ticket.. AS SOON AS THE TOUR WAS OVER, the album PLUNGED off the charts. my CURSE WORKED!! this was the only thing that made me forget about the events of 2000..
so imagine the horror and disgust i felt this morning, when i picked up my newspaper, and read the following article;
====
Prince's First Universal Release, 3121, Debuts at Number 1;
Album Scores First Number 1 Debut of Acclaimed Artist's Career
(PR WIRE) NEW YORK—(BUSINESS WIRE)
For Immediate Release
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Notching the highest debut of his storied career, Prince garnered the Top Spot on The Billboard 200 Album chart with his acclaimed Universal Records debut album, 3121, selling 183,436 units in its first week of release.
The stunning debut is Prince's first number 1 album since 1989's Batman soundtrack, and his first top-charting studio album since 1985's Around The World In A Day. Hailed by fans and critics as a return to "vintage" Prince, the disc has drawn unanimous media raves, including praise from Rolling Stone magazine - "Reassert(s) Prince's funk bona fides..." - and People magazine - "Even better than its double platinum-predecessor" - cementing Prince's return to the pop stratosphere which he began with 2004's double-platinum offering, the Grammy nominated Musicology.
Prince has also treated fans to a rare coupling of promotions celebrating the new album, including an intimate surprise midnight show for fans on the eve of the release of 3121 at L.A.'s Tower Records on Sunset Strip. The innovative Prince has also included a limited number of Purple tickets in 3121 CD packages, granting lucky fans access to a private performance at his L.A. home later this spring. Listeners who purchased the new "Black Sweat" single via Apple's iTunes Music Store were also eligible to win entrance to the upcoming private show.
Prince's momentum has been buoyed by the sizzling single "Black Sweat," the top debuting single on the Billboard Hot 100 three weeks ago, boosted by a sultry, minimalist video helmed by groundbreaking Moroccan director Sanaa Hamri (Mariah Carey, Lenny Kravitz, Seal).
Prince's previous single and video from the new disc, the ballad "Te Amo Corazon," were also greeted with wide acclaim, simultaneously premiering across all of VH1's platforms, and directed by award winning actress Selma Hayek. Prince previewed another 3121 gem, the guitar-edged "Fury," on NBC's Saturday Night Live on February 4th, the first time the star had appeared on the long running show in 25 years, scoring the highest ratings for SNL in more than two years.
The 12 song disc is also being hailed for its peerless blend of Prince styles, including the catchy funk of "Lolita," the R&B-tinged "Incense And Candles," and a steamy duet with Prince protege Tamar on Beautiful, Loved & Blessed," among others.
Prince's ascension to the top of the pop world has been both meteoric and enduring, inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2004, his most recent release, Musicology, debuted at number 3 on the Top 200 album charts, capping a three-decade reign in which Prince is generally regarded as one of the most acclaimed and influential musical artists of the 20th century.
The Minnesota native's career literally exploded in 1984 with the dual phenomenon of Purple Rain (the movie broke box office records, the Grammy nominated album sole more than 11 million copies an spent 24 weeks at number 1) making Prince one of the few triple threats in history to simultaneously land the number1 single, album, and movie. A series of genre defying albums - from 1985's Around The World In A Day, to 1987's prophetic A Sign of the Times, to 1991's Diamond And Pearls indelibly sealed his reputation as a groundbreaking songwriter and consummate musical performer.
With more than 100 million records sold, Prince launched his web-centric NPG Music Club in the early '90s, pioneering direct sales and value-added content that would become the artist-driven online entrepreneurial model artists and internet gurus would be flocking to by the end of the decade. More groundbreaking albums followed, with Prince himself stewarding their marketing and promotion, with major imprints such as EMI, Arista and Columbia forming temporary but fruitful relationships with the visionary artist.
Prince also launched one of the most successful tours in music history in 2004 (Pollstar Magazine crowned him top concert draw for the year), as well as winning a NAACP Image Award, and being honored by Rolling Stone magazine in a special issue which named Prince number 5 on the Top Pop Artists of the Past 25 Years.
 </a>
==
i'm still in shock, and really don't know waht to say..
YOU THINK YOUVE WON THE BATTLE PRINCE, BUT YOU HAVENT WON THE WAR!
I KNOW THA TTHE ONLY REASON IT CHARTED SO HIGH WAS BECAUSE OF THE PURPLE TICKETS..BE FORWARNED, THE ALBUM WILL PLUMMET NEXT WEEK WHEN ALL THE PRINCE FAGS SNAP UP ALL OF THEIR COPIES, AND GIVE UP.. ENJOY YOUR WEEK PRICK.. ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
TRUST ME, I HAVEN;'T FORGOTTEN! |
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| What exactly is it that marks me with the BULLSEYE?! |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|05:11 am] |
People at work are really cruising toward me killing them all. I'm tired of being bitch at for fucking bull shit reason's. I do both wait person's Job and Cook fuckers. I forget shit OK! I'm tired of them all coming in late, when ever their ass feels like getting around to it. Yet, if I'm late, forget to whipe down a table, counter. I get to hear about it from every single one of them. FUCK YOU ALL!!
BE HAPPY I ONLY HAVE SWORD AT HOME CAUSE I"M CLOSE TO GOING FUCKING POSTAL IF THE BULLSEYE ISN'T REMOVED FROM ME PRETTY GODDAMN QUICKLY.
I'm just so sick and tired of being the one to get nit picked. |
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Feelings of mixed emotion |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|10:11 am] |
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I am in a state of mixed emotions. I feel angry, sad, depressed, full of rage, distant, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone at work is out to get me fired. The people I like seem to be scared off by the idea of me liking them. I have no real friends here anymore. I used to really feel happy. Now I feel like I have to pretend because inside I feel like a beast is clawing to get out. I hear it scream in it's cage. "LET ME OUT! I"LL MAKE THEM ALL PAY! KILL EM ALL LET GOD SORT THEM OUT!" |
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| Unfinished poem |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|09:10 pm] |
I wandered inside myself today./ I smetimes do that from time to time./ I looked around and all that I knew had changed./It's dark in there now./I looked for my inner child./ I found him huddled in a corner./He was crying and suddenly I felt cold./ As I sat beside him he said, "Rage, anger, hate./Why do you let it consume you again?"
I suddenly looked to see myself./Big, strong, red faced./the eyes filled with a deep rage./Blood coming from the eyes./The face twisted in a evil snear./I shuddered with a sinking fear./The demon was free./
"Demon?" He panted/"You have been with the inner child so long you have forgotten my sweet embrace."/Inner child looked to me with tears./"you'll drive them away letting him roa free."/"Let the run and hide." Rage screamed./"hurt you. Hurt me. They will pay. I will taste of their blood."/
Rage stood nearer with a blood covered sword./"NO!" I cried in a horse voice./I ran from myself./Then as I lay in the wake state./ I saw what rage had done./As I lay weeping./Inner child whispered, " lock him up until your stronger."/ |
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| :( |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|09:09 pm] |
I've been so angry with everything and feeling out of touch. I added people who were just plain assholes. Deleted them. They added to my anger.
I've lost hope in people. I finally admtted to having a crush on some people I talk to and thy totally went weird on me. One girl, she just went from a friend to this snoody little snob. It made me so angry I just wanted to smack her.
The other people just just, kinda stopped talking. Great advice. tell people how you feel. Then they can get inside a Mac truck and run you over and leave you broken thinking, what the hell did I like about them in the first place? |
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